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WHEN TWO BECOMES THREE

Thursday, 29 June 2017
Matthew and i have been together for twelve years, we married in 2015 and i count myself extremely lucky to have found him.

As all my friends will tell you i wasn't really interested in relationships in my teenage years i was having far to much fun with my friends, it was as i didn't have time to fit in someone else, plus i hadn't actually met anyone that i liked.

I was looking for a blonde haired, blue eyed guy that was my 'type', some of the girls used to say it was best not to have a 'type' as you will discard everyone else... i was happy to wait.

We have had the most amazing twelve years so far, we have been truly blessed, surrounded by family and friends that we adore and couldn't be without. The next step was to start our own little family and we were lucky to fall quickly.

I think the last nine months have flown by, Matthew thinks they have dragged, this is probably due to how excited he has been, I'm glad it was that way around. My pregnancy has been fine, no major worries or ailments i know some poor women struggle from start to finish and i really feel for them.

Snoring has been a pain in the arse mainly for Matthew, i have now put on two and a half stone and i am praying that the snoring is due to the weight gain. We have been sleeping in separate rooms for the last three weeks due to the English heatwave we have been experiencing but mainly due to my snoring. I wake both of us up so decided to sleep in the spare room which is a lot cooler, it was great at first but as the weeks have gone by i miss sleeping with him a lot.

He has told me over and over that it doesn't matter and he would rather me be in the same room so last night we tried again and at 1.37am i waddled into the other room. I can't grumble, to have a whole bed to your pregnant self is a dream...

I tried to use the nose strips but they left me with little red veins on my nose so i stopped using the immediately. I have been meaning to buy Matthew some ear plugs but think i may have left it a little too late.

Soon the snoring will be the least of our worries...

We have both been naturally excited but i wouldn't be honest if i didn't say i hadn't felt the odd pang of anxiety that our lives will be changing forever, it sounds terrible and i feel awful for writing it down but it was when Matthew said last week 'i hope the baby does'nt come too early as it would be nice to have another weekend as just the two of us'.
I thought i was dealing with my emotions well but that sent me over the edge, i instantly wanted to hit the pause button on it just being the two of us for a while longer.

I think its the waiting, i was lucky to be able to work up until the 16th June, i feel as though since i have been off work my mind has been working overtime and i have had to keep busy to stop my thoughts turning to worry.

Worry that my life is changing forever, that Matthew and i won't be the same, that my body will never been the same, that the baby will be healthy and happy, that the birth will be straight forward and safe, so on and so on.

Hence the fact i have thrown myself into redecorating the hallway, nesting to the extreme.

I have read many a blogs and i know i am not the only mother to be feeling like this, my mum thinks its amazing how honest people are now. Thirty-three years ago when she had me it was very much 'just deal with it dear your a mother now' There was no warning about the baby blues, or how your body recovers from having a baby, the heavy bleeding, sleep deprivation ect, i know nothing will truly prepare you for what is about the happen but i feel a little more prepped knowing what to expect.

I am due tomorrow Friday 30th June 2017 and i actually feel very calm. We don't know if we are having a boy or a girl but i do know that whatever we are fortunate to have this baby will be smothered with love.




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